I want to start off by saying, this is not my most lighthearted post. If we’re being completely honest here, Graham is encouraging me to write about my anxiety. In his opinion, he believes it will be good for me to talk about. This is not something I will enjoy writing or even want to admit to myself.
A couple weeks ago, I had planned on going to an interest meeting for an organization that I was looking to join. I had every intention of going. I sent an RSVP in advance, I cleared my schedule, and I even dressed up to go. On the way there, certain thoughts began to creep into my mind. They aren’t going to want me. What if i’m the only one there wearing jeans? Should I have worn a dress? Do I smell bad? You know you have asked yourself the same question before! Also, all natural deodorant just doesn’t cut it sometimes… I will save that talk for another day.
I was nervous by the time I arrived. I had attempted to call Graham to try to convince him I shouldn’t go. He didn’t budge and said I should go. I finally arrived after dreading the event on the trip over. All it took was one look out my car window to see the women entering the building for me to say no to myself. I then did a dramatic u turn to head back home.
This is an example of my social anxiety. It’s upsetting to me to admit this because I have such big plans for my life, all involving social situations. I see that this anxiety will be a lot for me to overcome. However, I know it is important for me to address this and to admit that I have a problem. That is the whole point of this blog… Graham told me once that he loves when I have confidence and stand up for myself. He says it’s very attractive. I don’t know what he’s talking about… When coming up with the name of the blog, we thought it would be best to state the purpose within the name Confidently Meg. Our hopes are that this blog will bring out more of those confident moments. Before I can get to those moments, I must address my weaknesses. So here is to this first major one. I’m admitting to you and myself that I have social anxiety.
If you were to know me, you would never expect this. I handle social situations well and don’t have problems talking to people. My problem is getting there. I back out of many commitments. The initial walk into a room freaks me out. I can feel real terror with the thought of others comments when I arrive. I don’t know why, this is just how it is.
All that being said, I don't want this post to be a Debby downer. I want it to be an encouraging message that we all have things we struggle with that we would like to overcome. I don’t know if I will ever overcome this fear of mine. I will work on it though. I know I have people in my life that push me to overcome and I’m so thankful for that.
So back to that event I skipped out on. I knew that evening that I had made the wrong decision. I knew Graham thought the same thing. Thankfully, he did not harp on me for backing out. We both understood that I would have enjoyed my time there. So how did I go about addressing this? I paid the $50 it takes to join. That’s right, I am financially obligating myself to join this organization. I knew if I didn’t have to go, I wouldn’t. So now I have to go!
I encourage you to think about your struggles and who you have helping you overcome these struggles. Do whatever it takes to overcome them. If you need some encouraging, I’m just a message away. Don’t hesitate. We can be in this together!